The State of Marriage in Christianity v. 1.2
by Iain Mac an tSaoir

I. Prologue

   The other day I heard a perplexing statistic. That statistic says that in all denominations the divorce rate is higher amongst Christians than amongst non-Christians. The rate soars to over a 60% divorce rate amongst Evangelicals, and is in the high 50's amongst other Christians. This is amongst Christians, for whom divorce is not supposed to be an option.

   On top of that, there is this new book on marriage and divorce that is being discussed in the Christian community. It is no secret that divorce is just as rampant in the Christian community as in the rest of the world. The aforementioned book appears to be an attempt to justify the growing trend amongst even Evangelicals. Yes, regretably even Evangelical Christians are starting to split hairs in attempts to make what is wrong seem right as they justify following after the cravings of their flesh. How do I know these things? Because I did them when I was a pagan. I followed after my own selfish desires, had no patience, gave no forgiveness, and sought after things of this world. And I destroyed a marriage. Not alone, but the biggest part.

   I have undertaken writing this article because there was a time when I was deceived. I was a professing Pagan. I truly was the chiefest amongst sinners. I was a wretch. But Christ saved me. He saved me. He saved me from my self and He saved me from what was most assuredly my deserved eternal reward. I undertook writing this article at first for myself, because I do not ever want to be decieved again. But then felt the call to share it because Christian marriage is in decline. It is one of the places where people are falling away from Biblical doctrines. I want G-d's will for my life. To find the truth of about G-d's will regarding marriage I have read several translations of the Bible, official teachings of several denominations, including Catholicism, Lutheranism, Southern Baptists, Methodists, Seventh Day Adventists, and Messianic Jews (Jewish believers in Jesus); as well as commentaries by and biograpphies about the Reformers. I have tried to use sources that predate World War 2, as there is a perceivable liberalization that occured in the aftermath of that conflagration. As usual, I will try to stick with citations from the Amplified Bible because it more thoroughly conveys the nuances of the original texts. It has taken me nearly a year to research and write this. I promise it is being kept as short as possible. Lets set the record straight about what Christ taught, and what has been normative Christian teaching up until this age of apostasy. Like the old Rock & Roll song said, "we won't be fooled again".

II. What is Marriage?

   Marriage is more than an institution, it is more than a civil union. It is a state of being, a covenant between two people by which two become one. There is a difference between contracts and covenants. Contracts have items which allow the contract to be voided. Covenants are forever. Marriage is a covenant. Marriage was instituted from the very beginning of human history. The Biblical foundation of marriage can be first found in Genesis 2:24.

   Our Messiah used scriptures in Genesis 1:27 and 2:7-25 to articulate G-d's ideas regarding marriage. Jesus is recorded at both Matthew 19:4-6 and at Mark 10:6-9 giving that teaching. Mark 10:6-9 (Amplified Bible) states,

6 But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female.

7 For this reason a man shall leave [behind] his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and cleave closely to her permanently,

8 And the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.

9 What therefore God has united (joined together), let not man separate or divide.

   As evidenced by the writtings of Paul, the Apostles kept absolutely true to the teachings of Jesus. 1 Corinthians 6:15–17 and Ephesians 5:31 are almost exact quotations of Christ.

   Marriage is more though, than simply a merging of two into one, ordained and sanctified by G-d. It is also an institution whose very pattern reflects how G-d has interacted with His people from the beginning. In the Old Testament the relationship between G-d and Israel was presented as a marriage. This type of interaction continued in the New Testament between Christ (the husband) and His bride (the corporate body of believers called the 'Church'). In fact in Ephesians 5, Christian marriage is shown to be an exact parallel to the relationship between Christ and the Church

III. Divorce & Remarriage

Malachi 2:16
"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith."

   And what about divorce? What about even infidelity? There is the story of the Old Testament prophet Hosea, and Gomer, his wife. The whole story can be found in the Book of Hosea chapters 1-3 God told Hosea to marry Gomer and he did. After giving birth to three children, Gomer left Hosea and went back to being a harlot. She lived this way for about three years and then her world came apart at the seams as she ended up in slavery. At that point G-d told Hosea bring Gomer back home. Her restoration and absolution came as a result of unconditional love and forgiveness. The episode is not just a tale encapsulating G-d's own relationship with Israel. It is also a tale that demonstrates G-ds view that love and forgiveness can overcome obstacles in a marriage.

   Yet, Matthew chapter 19 records Jesus replying to questions by the Pharisees on divorce. The Pharisees asked Christ if it was lawful to divorce for any cause. They stated that Moses gave permission for a certificate for divorce. Christ pointed out that Moses *permitted* divorce because their hearts were hard. A comandment from G-d is far different than a permission from Moses, especially one given only because humans had horribly evil hearts.

    God hates divorce but Moses permitted it one circumstance only. That one justification is unrepentant sexual immorality i.e. adultery. It is important to note here that in Matthew 19 Jesus was talking to Pharisees, men who were under the Old Law. He was not talking to people under the New Covenant.

Matthew 19:8,9
8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

   With the Messiah's death and resurrection we came under the New Covenant. And the grace afforded us we are to afford others as well.

Luke 6:37 (Amplified Bible)

37. Judge not [neither pronouncing judgment nor subjecting to censure], and you will not be judged; do not condemn and pronounce guilty, and you will not be condemned and pronounced guilty; acquit and forgive and release (give up resentment, let it drop), and you will be acquitted and forgiven and released.

   In conversations to His Apostles He gave what has always been G-d's will. These teachings were what were to be taught under the New Covenant. As for what is expected of followers of Christ, we have everything else that is written. These other verses of Scripture record Him telling the Apostles:

Luke 16:18, "Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery."

Mark 10:11-12
11. And he said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her;

12. and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.'

   The Messiah's words were carried on as the normative teachings of the Faith. Catholicism, and even most of the Reformers maintained this sanctity of marriage. Catholicism holds that the union is made for a life time once the couple partake of the Eucharist together during the wedding ceremony. Luther, the first Reformer, while not agreeing with Catholic ideas of the mystery of marriage (preferring a civil role for the institution) did hold to the normative teachings of the Messiah. Luther taught that a person could remarry only after their husband or wife had died. The value that a person could only remarry once their husband or wife had died was also continued as normative Christian idea by most of the reformers. Notable exceptions are those reformers who held firm were those who had a vested interest in liberalizing the teachings. That is, up until the last 50 years when things have begun to liberalize.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11
10 To the married I give charge, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not separate from her husband

11 But if she does, let her remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If the husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Romans 7:1-3
1. Do you not know, brethren—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law is binding on a person only during his life?

2 Thus a married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he lives; but if her husband dies she is discharged from the law concerning her husband.

3 Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies she is free from that law, if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

   That is pretty cut and dry right there in black and white. Divorce is sin, and remarriage or any other form of sexual relationship is adulterous. There are no doubt those who will cry "Pharisee! Legalist! The Law was nailed to the cross!". The ceremonial laws were fulfilled by the Messiah.

Matthew 5:17 (Amplified Bible)

17 Do not think that I have come to do away with or undo the Law or the Prophets; I have come not to do away with or undo but to complete and fulfill them.

18 For truly I tell you, until the sky and earth pass away and perish, not one smallest letter nor one little hook [identifying certain Hebrew letters] will pass from the Law until all things [it foreshadows] are accomplished.

19 Whoever then breaks or does away with or relaxes one of the least [important] of these commandments and teaches men so shall be called least [important] in the kingdom of heaven, but he who practices them and teaches others to do so shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

20 For I tell you, unless your righteousness (your uprightness and your right standing with God) is more than that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

The moral code that is encapsulated by the 10 Commandments is still in effect. The Messiah stated in Matthew 22 that the law was predicated upon two principles, love for G-d and love for our fellow humans. But never was the moral law dispensed with.

   In fact, what many Christians do not know is that the 10 Commandments weren't the first statements of those moral principles. The 10 Commandments were simply the expression of those moral imperatives given directly to the wandering Hebrews during the exodus from Egypt. Before G-d inscribed the commandments upon stone and gave them to Moses, Jewish texts record that He had also given them to two previous humans. These two were Noah immediately after the flood, and earlier yet to Adam. Thus the moral principles have always been there to govern the behavior of peoples.

   To say that G-d expects us to adhere to His moral code does not detract from the ideas of G-d's grace. It is true that we are saved by G-d's unmerited favor (grace) to us. It is true that we recieve this grace by faith in Christ. But it is equally true that we are supposed to sincerely turn away from sin (repentance) when we come to Christ to begin with. If we are not sincerely sorry for our state, and repent then there is no forgiveness given because we are still in a state of rebellion. But if we truly believe and sincerely repent then G-d's grace is given in abundance. And G-d's grace continues to abound as He gives us the power to overcome sin. G-d's grace even further manifests as He continues to forgive us for our failures to adhere to His moral imperatives after our conversion when we continue to sincerely repent.

   If G-d did not have a standard of behavior that He expected us to live by then there would be no sin; if there were no sin then there would have been no need of a Savior; and if there was no Savior then we'd not be followers of Yeshua the Messiah AKA Jesus the Christ. Nor would we need to continuously pray for the forgiveness of our sins as we live the process of sanctification and the regeneration of our minds. If there were no commandments then Yeshua would not have said, "if you love me you will keep my commandments."

   Furthermore, when Christ was pointing out the evils of divorce, and why divorce was ever granted at all in the laws of Moses, he was pointing out the hypocrisy of the Pharisees. He was pointing it out because they had taken that one instance of justification and split hairs on it till they were divorcing at a whim on any grounds they could make up. Just like that aforementioned book is encouraging. So who are the Pharisees really? Is it the ones who are earnestly seeking after righteousness as G-d wills us to do? Or, those who are splitting hairs to do what they want?

IV. But What About...?

   We do live in a day of unbridled anger. A day when children are subject to the most horrible of abuses. A day when mate might turn against mate with violent and sometimes murderous fury. A day when an unfaithful mate can bring home some deadly disease. A day when safety sometimes demands we remove and or separate ourselves and our children from potential harm. That is covered by 1 Corinthians 7:10-11.

   Did you know that if you are both Christian there is a Scripturally proscribed way to handle problems? First pray about the issues. Take them to your mate and lovingly counsel from the Bible. If the wayward mate will not make the corrections then take it to the pastor of the church. If the pastor and you, praying and counseling the problemed mate can't get it resolved then take it to the deaconss and elders. And of that then the whole church body. While it certainly isn't politically correct, shame is a mighty tool when its use is justified. There is a way to get your mate to see their error prior to jumping immediately into divorce.

   But what then? What if nothing works, or if you or your children are in danger? If we have children we are of course to be ever vigilant for and nurturing to them. But adult people need more. Sex is not a need. But if we can't control ourselves then we need to remain married to that one to whom G-d joined us originally. But even if sex isn't an overiding factor, we will still need social interaction to remain sane. That is why we have church families. And there is always religious service to fill our hearts and time if restoration of the marriage is not an option.

V. Conclusion:

   Many things started changing about 50 years ago. Israel had recently become a nation again, sitting as a super-sign of the times we were then entering. About 50 years ago the true repentence aspect of salvation started being down played. And about 50 years ago it quit being politically expedient to hold people to Biblical teachings about marriage. The failure of marriages can always be traced to the selfishness of one or both parties in the marriage. The selfishness that results in a failure of marriage can always be traced to some form of sensuality that takes the focus off of G-d, the Messiah, our families, and our mates. This selfishness resulting in the breaking of vows is putting the things of this world first.

James 4:4 (Amplified Bible)
4 You [are like] unfaithful wives [having illicit love affairs with the world and breaking your marriage vow to God]! Do you not know that being the world's friend is being God's enemy? So whoever chooses to be a friend of the world takes his stand as an enemy of God.

    What if the Messiah treated us as we treat our mates? Pastors can be replaced by liberal minded and hard hearted congregants. Please don't expect your pastors to teach other than the unvarnished Word of G-d. We live in a time of a great falling away from Biblical teachings. Thank them for being commited to Biblical principles, praise G-d for strong men of principle. And don't yourself fall away to the doctrines of demons.

   Yes, Christians are falling away as they justify following after the cravings of their flesh. Take it from a former Pagan, too many Christians are living like Pagans. These are Christians who will wail about how degenerate society has become, yet take more than equal part in that degeneration. And by doing so contribute to its further degeneration. This is because in their own lives they are not standing for the moral principles given by G-d whom they claim to serve. I recognize it for what it is, because what they are doing is what Pagans do. In fact, they do it more than the Pagans who have no such Biblical doctrines. I recognize it because I was a Pagan, and I did the same things many modern Christians do when I was a pagan. I followed after my own selfish desires, had no patience, gave no forgiveness, and sought after things of this world. And I destroyed a marriage. Not alone, but the biggest part. I weep still for the things I have done, the damage I have caused. And it breaks my heart further to know that people who love G-d are falling to the deceptions that are seducing them away from Biblical doctrines. Please think! Please pray! Please recognize the devastation you are heaping on your children! G-d wants better for all of us, and that better will only come from following His will.

2 Corinthians 13:5 (Amplified Bible)

5 Examine and test and evaluate your own selves to see whether you are holding to your faith and showing the proper fruits of it. Test and prove yourselves [not Christ]. Do you not yourselves realize and know [thoroughly by an ever-increasing experience] that Jesus Christ is in you--unless you are [counterfeits] disapproved on trial and rejected?

Here are some great resources:
Rejoice Ministries
Hosea Project
Restoration of Christian Marriage
Marriage Restored

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